Malik's Thoughts
by Ms. Artemis Silver
Summary: Takes place between chapter 39 and 43 of Ask Marik and Malik. After being sent to the Shadow Realm by StarJen, Malik finds a notebook and starts sharing his thoughts about people.
1. Prologue

_StarJen: I don't own yu-gi-oh in any way._

Don't ask how one person gets a notebook in the Shadow Realm. I just did. I am Malik. I don't have a last name. Well I do it is Ishtar but I don't use it. I was sent here by my own weapon. The Millium Rod! DAMN THAT STARJEN! DAMN HER AND MY HIKARI! DAMN HIKARI BEING IN LOVE WITH HER! Oh well I have nothing else to do. So I will start dissing everyone I know. Isn't that fun? I will start with Yugi. Heh heh.

_StarJen:Sorry in advance about the bashings._


	2. Yugi

_StarJen: He's going to be here for a while. So sit back an enjoy._

**Yugi**

Oh how good I must share my thoughts on Yugi. He is SO short. He like what about 5 feet. I'm almost 6 feet. Then again StarJen is only 5'1. Whatever.

Now what is the deal with his hair...IT'S SO IRRATATING!!!!! IT'S MULTI-COLORED!!!!!! WHO DOES THIER HAIR MULTI-COLORED!!!!!! It looks like it took TONS of hair gel to get that all right.

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE HEART OF THE CARDS SHIT! YOU THINK THE CARDS ARE **REALLY** HELPING YOU YUGI!!!! Oh great heart of the cards please help me beat the hell out of my enemies once more. I must beat Kaiba and, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BULL SHIT YUGI! I SWEAR YOU ARE AROUND TEA TO FUCKING LONG!!!!! I need to change that. Note to self: Corupt Yugi when I get out of here. He needs to be dark like Bakura and myself.

And what's with him and the pharaoh. I swear Yugi is Yami's bitch. Like Marik is StarJen's bitch. I SWEAR I WILL KILL THAT BITCH WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!

And how could he be friends with that idiot Joey, the other idiot Tristin, the friendship bitch Tea, and try to make friends with Kaiba. You will not make Kaiba your friend Yugi don't you understand that you baka!

In short, Yugi needs to get taller, get a better hair-do, ditch the bull shit heart of the cards stuff, and join Bakura and I.

_StarJen: o.o Wow._


	3. Yami

_StarJen: He's still here people. _

**Yami**

Now I am at the baka Pharoah, Yami or if you want his real name it's Atem. I wonder why someone would name their kid Atem. Oh well that's his name not mine.

The guy ALWAYS wins at games. I even tried to make him not exist so that I could be Pharoah! Is that SO hard to ask?! I just want to be Pharoah!

His hair is just as bad as his hikari's and IT'S THE SAME DAMN COLORS!!!!

In short Yami needs to not look SO much like Yugi, makes me think they are a gay couple. Next up I do Ryou.

_StarJen: How's that._


	4. Ryou

_StarJen: Do I even need to say it?_

**Ryou**

Ryou...Bakura's hikari. HE'S A TOTAL PANSY!!!!!! HE DOESN'T HAVE TO BALLS TO DO ANYTHING MANLY! HE MAKES ME THINK HE'S A GIRL WITH MALE BODY PARTS! THAT IS A VERY DISTUBING SIGHT! AT LEAST MY HIKARI IS A MAN! AND THAT BRITSH ACCENT IS ANNOYING!!!!!!

In the end Ryou needs to kill someone to show me that he isn't a girl! I do Bakura next.


	5. Bakura

_StarJen: I wonder how Malik is going to dis his other fellow Yami_

**Bakura**

Bakura...there isn't much I can say positive about. He eats raw meat, lost to the pharoah 5000 years ago and isn't any better now, has a hikari he needs to corrupt, and needs a brain. When I told him not to lick an outlet, he does it anyway. When I told him that I was stuck in that bitch StarJen's house, he tries to save me. He will light anything on fire including ME! He wants to cut peoples hearts out an eat them. I wouldn't mind if he did that StarJen.

In the end, Bakura is not a bad guy he just needs to get with the times and be less of a canibal. Now I can diss my hikari.


	6. Marik

_StarJen: the worse is yet to come folks._

**Marik**

Ah...my hikari Marik. There is only 2 things wrong with him. One he needed to stay EVIL!!!!! Maybe Ra shouldn't have zapped Odion, NAH Odion was useless to me any way. We could have crushed the Pharoah if he stayed evil. The other problem is he is dating the Ultamate Evil StarJen. SHE WAS ONE WHO SENT ME HERE!!!! But I'll complain about her more later I'm still dissing my hikari. My hikari is SO weak I he needed Odion to prevent me from surfacing. He wanted to lick chocolate off of StarJen. BLEH! I Hope the both of you will get a room.

In short, my hikari needs to kill StarJen in order to get my respect back. And FYI I'm doing StarJen next.


	7. StarJen

_StarJen: Now how can he dis me?_

**StarJen**

I HATE THAT BITCH!!!!! SHE IS THE ULTAMATE EVIL!!!!!!! SHE IS THE DAUGHTER OF SATAN!!!!!! SHE TOOK MY HIKARI AND MADE HIM HER SLAVE OF LOVE!!!!!!!! SHE THE ONE WHO TRAPPED ME HERE!!!!!!!!!!! SHE TOOK MY MOST VALUABLE THINGS!!!!!!!!!! I WANT HER DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_StarJen: I'm all that?_


	8. Epiloge

_StarJen: That's it he's dead._

Well now I'm out of the Shadow Relam. But StarJen is pissed, along with everyone else a dissed, excluding Yugi and Ryou. They got sad and I think Yugi cried. So here I am locked up in a closet with Bakura writing all this down. This su...

Malik will not be able to write in this anymore. I took it from him. And I'm going to burn this notebook.

Love, StarJen.

_StarJen: Told you guys._


End file.
